Zelda Rant.

Please excuse me, for one fine moment, if you please. I am merely asking for a chunk of your time to discuss the FOUL, CRUEL, PAINFUL, AGGRAVATING, TORMENTING, INCESTUOUS, YET SO ADDICTIVE...

World of Zelda.

(Alright, maybe I went a bit overboard with "Incestuous". Though it would explain the shape of Princess Ruto's skull...)

Tumor Shaped Skull --->

Anyways....

Here is a haiku by one of my favorite Youtubers, that basically sums up how i feel about Ocarina of Time:

"Hey listen Navi,

You already said that.

I want to kill you."

This quote is correct on so many levels of accuracy. I'll just be casually strolling through Kokori Village, when Navi pops in front of my face for

about the millionth time exclaiming "It is time you venture into Dodongo's Cavern and free the Gorons!!!" I GET IT YOU INCESSANT MONGREL! So I accept it, and start walking towards the exit to Hyrule Field, and she says it AGAIN. And she uses that tone of voice making it sound like she's got some kind of breaking news that she is bursting to tell you. Then, theres the really irritating part. I'll be

in the water temple or something, ready to make a dangerous move and jump down into the arena to face a demon, and I start to run and jump, when she stops me to warn me of "the perilous dangers below!!!" Thats about when i furiously tap the B button and get her out of my face. I AM WELL AWARE THAT THIS IS THE FINAL BATTLE. HENCE, I USED THE BOSS KEY TO OPEN THE DOOR, YOU DUMB PEICE OF S***.

Pardon.

Then theres the technical aspect. Personally, I'm used to Wind Waker, where if you move the C-Stick on the controller, Link's point of view changes. But in OoT, if you do so much as brush your hand over the yellow joystick of HELL, it will stop whatever you're doing, and bring up some useless item that you might have equipped in your X,Y, OR Z slot. HENCE, I SHOULD PROBABLY HAVE TO PRESS X, Y, OR Z, IF I ACTUALLY WANTED TO USE THAT ITEM.

Then, theres the plain old stupid things, like Link not being able to ride a horse until he becomes older Link, and the idiot diving instructor man/woman in the Hylian Lakeside Laboratory who just stands there next to the jars of organs and miscellaneous exotic fish and moves her/his jaw in a retarded-like fashion.

And some of the things they throw into this game are just downright freaky. Like Dante the Gravekeeper, and the fact that you have to jump into the Royal Family's tomb, and all these mummies are walking around down there. And the Cuckoos in Lon Lon Ranch, WHAT THE HELL. You *accidentally* *ehem* run over them on Epona, (COMMON IT WAS ONLY TWICE!!) and they get all furious and start trying to peck you to death. And the whole game is

kinda impossible unless you look it up! How was I supposed to figure it out on my own that there's a door on a far wall that I

never would have seen, and that I'm supposed to go in there, and find the right cow, and play Zelda's Lullaby to it so it gives me milk in a jar!! WHAT?!?!?

Now onto the better aspects... Whoever wrote this game is a genius, not gonna lie.

Zora's domain? UM... FREAKING AMAZING! Whenever I forget what Im supposed to be doing in the game, I just go to the river and dive off the giant Zora Waterfall, and go swim around in Zora's Fountain and try to drown under Jabu-Jabu. Goooood times. Same with Hyrule Castle. Its just... beastly.

ONTO WIND WAKER......

By far my favorite of the series, Link sports more adorable, animated features. The King of Red Lions is almost as irritating as Navi, but not quite. Oh whoops. I probably should have mentioned. Navi is your little fairy guide in OoT.

I'm not gonna complain about this one, because theres really nothing to complain about. But I have to say, once you go to the Hyrule Castle underwater, it really is amazing and Im just like looking around at the beautiful "scenery" and its just really really really really awesome. Oh, and Link's Grandma is pretty dang hot if I do say so myself.